Chapter May 2009 Part 2 - A follow-up in which Daddy redeems himself

It happened. It was was Eric's purple light and siren that began to sound over the din of the crowd at Viking Fest. He proceed to throw both fists up in the air and then point at me.

"Any one you want," the carnival gamer waved his arm at all the giant stuffed animals hanging overheard.

Eric scanned past the somewhat cute bears and dogs. Paused to consider the purple and green gecko, then he rounded the other side of the booth and spotted it, "There it is! I want my wife to carry THAT one!"

It was big and a hideous mottled yellow. It was a duck with a somewhat human body. The last of it's kind, the poor man had to pull out a stepping stool and a pinching tool to get it down from it's perch. But Eric won the big boy prize and there was nothing bigger or more neon to be had, this duck had found a home.

It could be worse... I guess I should just count my lucky stars that we didn't walk out of there with a mirrored picture of a bikinied woman posed on top of a red sports car, circa 1989... Those were at a different booth.

Chapter May 2009 - In Which Daddy Gets His Ego Bruised.

There was an entirely entertaining (for me and at Eric's expense) conversation over dinner. The family trash-talk had begun over carnival games at our town's big annual festival - Viking Fest. The kids are getting geared up for the carnie games and wondering which will be the lucky one for them this year. And on which ones Mom will win the big prizes. God love Eric, he just doesn't have the luck at those kind of things and somehow, (I attribute it to my Jersey Boardwalk summers) I do. As an example, the last trip back East, I had to pack an extra suitcase to get my Jenkinson's Boardwalk booty home for the kids. It's a tough subject around here, but tougher now that the kids realize Mommy wins them the big toys. I digress...

Anyway, tonight at dinner the kids started in about the games they wanted to play and win. When Eric offered to win certain prizes for them, and what he'd won them in the past, Maddie pointed out, "Uncle Tommy actually won me that." or "Wasn't that Mommy?" Sadly accurate, Eric took offense. The following conversation occurred:

Eric: "I've won BIG stuff before!"

Maddie: "I don't have anything big you've won for me, Dad."

Me(stoking the flames): "Me either, Dad. Not even when we were dating..."

Eric (flustered and scrambling for pride): "Well, one time in a fishing derby, I won a VCR."

Maddie: "How old were you?"

Eric: "I don't know...."

Parker (innocently puts down his milk and looks questioningly at his father and deals the killer stroke): "What's a VCR?"

One week and counting to Viking Fest. Let's all cross our fingers for Eric. His kids' respect hangs in the balance... And I vow not to pick up a single dart or water shooter!

My Girl

In the books, last night's game was a loss for our team. In my mind and heart, scores are not what I will take with me. When you coach a group of kids, you always wonder - did we do enough, did we do too much, are we doing it right? The answer is no. But somehow, those kids take all the heaps of information and their ambition and joy and form a team - even on that first game night, and that in the end is what they will take with them. I am so thankful to be a witness to that.

But I have to move from Coach to Mom to tell my story. Last night I saw my little girl, who will always be 3 years old somewhere in my head, stand on a pitcher's mound for the first time. She stood there and pitched 2 innings. They weren't spectacular, but it was her poise and control that actually moved me to tears (privately and briefly, to not embarrass myself or my kid). It was one of those moments when you step back and see your child grow up right in front of your eyes. I was awestruck by her strength and ability to block out the pressure, the noise, the last passed ball, the runners on the bases. She never fell apart. I watched her adjust when she got out of control, or something didn't work. And even though she walked more than she struck out, as her Mom, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.

One day, before I know it, this miraculous little girl that gave us such a bad time coming into this world, is going to become a woman. She will step out and start to live a life of her own. And if she shows just the faintest shadow of the person she was last night, it's going to be a great one.

After the game, we had a board meeting. Tired, physically and emotionally, as the clock neared 10, Maddie came out of the back room where she'd been hanging out with other board kids and curled into my lap - just like a 3 year old. Still in her uniform, with eyeblack smeared across her cheeks, she laid her head on my shoulder. She smelled like leather and her forehead tasted salty under my kiss. I write that now in hopes of locking it away, I know those moments when all she wants is to be in Mom's arms are running out on me. I hope I never forget how beautiful she looked out there, smiling, proud and so full of confidence and how she still fit into my lap afterward.

My girl.

CPS Before Breakfast

We know Parker hates taking out the dogs. He started a diary 2 weeks ago that he told us was filled with "secrets" and we weren't to read it. But several times that first day, he toted this book out, lay it down in front of us and said, "Don't read this. It's all my secrets." Finally, after half a dozen times, I asked if maybe he wanted to show us what his secrets were. To which he enthusiastically opened the notebook.

It was filled with shocking secrets like -
"Sometimes I hurt my knee and don't tell."
"Sometimes I just throw my clean clothes on the closet floor and not where they go."
"I hate taking the dogs out."
And finally, "Sometimes I lie about taking the dogs out."

So, this morning, since Parker was the first one up and woke up the puppy, I sent him to let the dogs out. As a sort of punishment.

"But I'm in my underwear. Can I just put a blanket on and go out?"

"Sure, just go out the back." But after 5 minutes with no return of dogs or Parker, I went to see what was happening.

Harley was running around the yard with someone else's newspaper in her mouth and Parker and Kona were nowhere to be seen. Panicking and realizing what he went outside wearing, I called out and got no response. I became increasingly louder as I headed out of the driveway. Then I got a faraway response, "I'm here, Mom."

Frantically, I ran out of the driveway and caught sight of my son, on the next street over in his underwear, blanket and snowboots coming out from behind a neighbor's house. At that moment, I had the thought scream through my mind - what I have I done in my life to get here right now?

I responded in the most logical way I could think, "Wha-? Parker, get here now. RUN!" And my son came clomping toward me as I scanned the windows of the houses he was running past to make sure there were no witnesses.

"Kona ran away. I was chasing him. He went into the bushes behind the red house. I was going to get him when you made me come back."

I grabbed the keys, got in the car and scooped up my son so we could go search for the dog.

"Did you see him go behind the house there?"

"No, but all the neighbors I talked to said they saw him go there."

"How many neighbors did you talk to?"

"Oh, 4."

4? Oh boy. I don't think we'll be invited to any barbecues any time soon. As a matter of fact, I think it's most of a miracle that they didn't report us to the authorities.

Wonder (what I'm going to catch) Woman

I've never considered myself a germophobe, but I found myself really squirming today at the kids' school. I sat there during reading group and when I should have been listening to kids, I instead became super aware of the cold, flu and general germy sounds filling the classroom - my ears were tuned to every sniffle, cough and sneeze, the scritch, scritch, scritching of the child sitting next to me with her fingers in her hair. But lets focus on the sneeze -
I developed this Bionic Woman-type vision, where I swear, I could see it all in slow motion coming toward me, yet I didn't quite develop the Bionic Woman speed to avoid the spit that landed on my sleeve. It was all I could do to back out of the room with the neck of my shirt pulled over my mouth.

So, as the latex glove fits - germophobia it is.

I am going to take a shot of Airborne and a hot shower.

Wow!

What a time we've had... We had an incredible week with our friends celebrating things I never knew would be celebrated. Last weekend, I had the privilege of shaving Tracie's head. The chemo treatments were taking their toll and when she called, there we were. As we've begun to call ourselves - The Usual Suspects. With snacks and the mixings for chocolate martinis in hand, we made an afternoon of it. Although, I have to admit to being much more relieved after the barber shop closed. At the time, I hated being the one to do this to my friend. But now, I am proud to be a part of her story - owning this cancer and doing it on her terms. What an incredible person. I am honored to be her friend and to have her in my life for the last 10 years.

Eric and I both celebrated the turning of another year! I can't speak for him, but for me, it was actually a wonderful day. With friends like ours, I find the number doesn't matter so much. I got to spend a lot of time with people who make me laugh and made me feel like birthdays are something to look forward to, rather than dread. The Jagodzinskes and Cullens actually made me dinner - Kristin, who is leaving for Ghana tomorrow to bring home her two children, I can't tell you how much your precious time this week meant to me. Your smile, your laugh. Thank you. Daron, who makes me laugh, shares my competitive spirit and love of a good inside joke. Merman, you are the man! Your card was one of the highlights of my day. I loved looking around my living room and seeing the four of you smiling and laughing in the midst of everything.

I feel lucky every day for the incredible people in my life, but particularly yesterday when I needed you! Thanks to everyone that stopped by or called for allowing me a chunk of your day. I know everyone has so many things going on, that my bday was probably the bottom thing on your list. Kristin leaving for Ghana tomorrow, Tracie in the midst of kicking Hodgkin's ass, work, kids, all the things that make our days so busy - Thank you for making me feel so special. You really did, more than you can imagine!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Your friendships are the world to me.

Love Story...

I love movies about love and relationships. Relationships between couples, friends, whatever. Growing up, I remember watching Pretty Woman and thinking how grand and romantic the Richard Gere character was - roses, limo, after a week in a penthouse suite... Wow, right?

We're so trained to look for the grand gestures when it comes to love. Look at TV with all the diamond ads - "How will you show her how much she means to you?" If your love is true, then you will commit yourself to a massive economic strain. I feel like that was what I was programmed to believe, but as I go through life, I've found the most love in the smallest things.

My friend is fighting Hodgkins Lymphoma right now. She finished her first round of chemo last week. At the appointment, the nurse told her that she should expect to start losing her hair soon, perhaps even within the day.

And sure enough, just a couple of days later, my beautiful, strong, amazing friend stood in my kitchen and said, "It started. I'm shedding like the dog." Even though she chose to make a joke about it (which is totally what I would do, too), I know that this is the hardest thing for her to say outloud.

Here is where the moment came in - It was her husband, standing next to her as she lowered her head. He reached out and gently touched her elbow. Then he smiled at his wife.

In the silence of that brief moment, I saw the volumes of love he has for her. And it was just a second. I was moved beyond explanation, and remain such.

This is where we find true love. It isn't in the house full of flowers, or the car with the bow on top, or the jewelry (none of which would be kicked out of bed, by the way...), I think it's in that small moment when you know you have a partner. When you don't need the words to speak for you - I will catch you if you fall. I will be your strength when you don't have it. I am here for you, sunshine or rain. We will make it through together. What can be more romantic than that?

And I have to add what endears me even more to these two - the conversation went on and he finished it with, "Well, I guess I'll be vacuuming more than every other day now."

Keep laughing through it all, my friends!